Faking sick

yup. That's my grand old plan. Its going to be really really effective, too. I am sick of eating. I am just honestly sick of it. Trying to please others. Trying to convince myself that it's okay. It's not okay. I feel like a cow right now and that needs to change pronto.

I need to fast tomorrow. But to ensure that my family will not bug me I am just going to play sick for the day. AKA: free pass to lay around the house all day, sleep, and not eat. I know that makes me sound like such a lazy ass, but sometimes its really nice :)

Plus, I don't know if this applies to you guys too, but sometimes when I play sick I actually become sick. I know that sounds crazy, I do, but it has happened on multiple occasions. Maybe playing sick is just like telling my body its okay to give up and just let whatever could be in there take over. I really don't mind being sick. No school. No food. Pretty nice I say.

Also the other day...I think it was thursday....I told J that I was freaking out for the dentist and why and all that jazz and then later that night he told me he thinks it would be a good idea if I told my parents so I could get real help and get over this. And then he added that he needed to go to bed and that we "would talk about it tomorrow." It is saturday night. Hasn't mentioned it yet. This is actually a conversation that I would like to have, in honesty, to see what he has to say. Plus, if we're being honest, I like talking about it with him. I like feeling comforted. I like feeling safe. It's nice.

Mini Rant: I also just want to add that I fucking hate my drunk-ass parents. Get your lives together you fuck ups why the fuck are you always so fucking drunk you sound like a goddamned idiot i fucking hate you guys

xoxoxoxo
Elle