FML.

I want to tell you where I've been but I am ashamed.

I hate myself so much.


I went to the gym today for a few hours. I am going to workout for 2 more hours this evening. And tomorrow morning. And then tomorrow afternoon. etc.

I really wish I could snuggle with someone right now and feel protected and safe and thin.

FUCK.

I have so much homework to do. I have so much weight to lose. I have so many college applications to do. I AM SO FAT.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I am so filled with regret.

You guys....what what what do i do. Desperation is an uncomfortable emotion.


I had another panic attack today.

On the scale.


Yeah.


Like literally, hyperventilation to the point that I had to lay down on the fucking bathroom floor.


FUCK. oh my god I have done bad things.

I am a bad person.

oh no. oh no. oh no.

I feel like this must be a dream of some kind. right? Because there is no FUCKING WAY this is real.

oh yeah and my ankle is healed. but my life still sucks ass.