Well last night I spent about an hour of my evening crying in front of the mirror trying to find something to wear that didn't make me look like a cow. J and I went out to dinner and I have to admit, the second he got to my house, I couldn't be upset anymore. What can I say, he just makes me smile. I even wanted to still be upset (if that makes sense) and I just couldn't do it.
I have been struggling a lot lately because J and I are going to different colleges. In different states. We spend time together pretty much everyday. And sometimes I miss him only after a few hours. Or a few minutes.
I think I might die. To be honest. How am I supposed to exist without him there? Who is going to make sure I don't die?
In addition, I am going to do everything in my power to not eat at all for as long as I can. Sometimes I eat food voluntarily, and that needs to stop. If nobody is around, it ain't gonna happen. And if they are around and expect me to eat with them, I'll just attempt ways around or worst case scenario, eat just a little.
I am too fat than I can bear.
I wish I was beautiful.
*sigh*
Elle
bless you sweet pea. This could have been written by me, especially in june when I broke down trying to find something to wear and hurds of people saw me crying. Not cool.
ReplyDeleteI bet you are beautiful. I know it. You are beautiful sweetpea. How can we find inner peace? Does inner peace come with weight loss? I mean I smile, yes, and dop a little dance when I see I have, but is it inner peace, where can I find it? Do you have it locked away too
I love you missxxx