Just another day.

of failure. Of disappointment. Of being fat. 

I have eaten so much today. I am not going to eat dinner. I refuse. Okay. Then it will be okay. I will just skip dinner, work out, and fast tomorrow. 

I would really enjoy a good, solid few days of fasting. I think what I am going to do is this- 

I am going to fast for a few days, but I obviously need a strategy because I easily give into temptation. So, I will leave for school without breakfast, lunch, or money to cave and buy food. Then, straight after school I will go to the gym. That will keep me away from the after school munchies that literally get me every time. Then, I will shower and by that time I will be so so so tired, so I will retreat to my room and do homework for a bit before I sleep. Sounds foolproof right? Right. 

That is the plan. I pinky swear to you guys that I will follow through. I am so sick of looking at this body in the mirror. Two nights ago I put on my pageant dress and cried in front of the mirror because I looked like such a cow. It was not pleasant. 

Also, I have to get a physical at the doctor soon, which means I really can't be throwing up at all. That is just all the more reason why I need to stick to this plan. I know that if I can get one good, solid day of fasting without any screwups, I will be motivated to do more. :) 

I hope, wish, and pray that I won't be a pathetic loser and fail. 

I am sorry also that I have been gone so long. A BUNCH of my college applications were due and I have a huge french project due wednesday. I have to talk for two hours in french about a french film director and analysis of his work. What a joy. 

Anyways. I am really really really really really hoping that this will go well. 

Love

Elle