Today was just a straight-up awful day.
I did manage to avoid food, but I don't have that 'thin' feeling. Probably because I'm a cow. That would most likely explain it.
School was long and hard and boring
and my car is having all sorts of problems and I can't afford to fix them and I'm stressed because I have to give that two hour presentation tomorrow in french and I really just want to curl up in a dark corner and die.
I hate my life so much it hurts.
I feel fat. I am surprised though by how depression makes me completely uninterested in food. My sister made home-made pudding (which I would normally binge on instantly) and I really couldn't care less. I wasn't even tempted.
please kill me. Or at least give me the strength to starve tomorrow.
Elle
You know I was just about to end this post, and then I realized that I have absolutely nothing to do after I log off. Of course I have schoolwork and laundry and shit like that. But I will do nothing. Honestly, I will probably spend the rest of the evening staring at the wall because that's how much of a waste of space I am.
Normally in the evenings I like to talk to J. But not tonight. Which is weird. It isn't often that I don't want to talk to him. But right now I just want to be alone.
alone from people
alone from problems
alone from myself.
*sigh*
I wonder if maybe I already had a life. Like, maybe this is the afterlife, right now. Maybe I was a really bad person and now I am in hell. It sure feels like it sometimes.
Elle.
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