Can it please be tomorrow now?

I have been binging and purging all day. All fucking day.

This morning, ate the lunch my parents packed in about 5 minutes at school with the intention of throwing up, and my dumbass teacher wouldn't let me go. Bitch. Then, I came home and ate a big bowl of lettuce, two handfuls of marshmellows, a bowl of ice cream, and some crackers. Then I threw that up. Then I went to the gym. Then I ate 7 pieces of licorice. Threw that up. Took a shower. Go into the kitchen to find brownies and carmel pecan bars. Eat them. Get to the bathroom. Lay on the floor, exhausted.

I am so fucking tired. Why don't I have any self control?

Tomorrow I have to go out to dinner with my family. I HATE restaurants. With a passion.

I swear on pain of death that I WILL NOT eat anything tomorrow until that stupid dinner. And then I will pick at it and avoid as much as possible.

I feel so, so fat.

Also yesterday I went to buy some green tea at the store but when my family saw that I also purchased some peppermint tea, their first reaction was "you better not being using that as a laxative"

.....what? I didn't even know it was one....

HAHA BUT NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT! suckers.

I feel sick and dirty and ugly and gross.

I also think its safe to say that I've completely lost it. I am honestly at a breaking point here. Yesterday, I paced circles around my room (which is pretty big, enough to pace in) for an hour and a half, mumbling incoherent nothings under my breath. I didn't even notice I was doing it until my little sister opened the door and stood in the doorway in astonishment...I didn't even hear the door swing open. and I walked past her numerous times. When she finally broke my attention, I just thought to myself...wow...i am officially insane.

great.