Lets not kid ourselves.

fuck recovery. I hate it. I hate stepping on the scale and not being any goddamn thinner.

I am also getting worried. My little sister is starting to grow up. Although I've never considered myself  "thin" (because then i would be perfect) I have always taken pride in the fact that i am the thinnest of my sisters. But, now that my little sister is getting taller and more athletic, that is being challenged. Not verbally, of course, but I can just see it happening. I HAVE TO BE THE THINNEST OF THE SISTERS OR I WILL DIE.

and i know that sounds really selfish and dumb but if she gets thinner than me i am going to have a freak out session. Already, just typing about it I am getting lightheaded and dizzy because that's how important it is to me that i remain in this position.

I feel fat and dirty right now. I am going to try to fast tomorrow.

Also I am fucking pissed off because J keeps talking about how he likes this girl that i fucking despise with my heart and soul and it makes me angry.

anyways- my point: I am back. You'll be hearing from me a hell of a lot more often.

I've missed you all.