I can't think of a title because that requires thinking.

and I can't think because I literally have no brains left.

I got into a huge screaming fight with my mother tonight and now I can't go out today or tomorrow. And all I wanted to do was see J tomorrow so that I could be around someone with rational thought for a minute, but i guess not anymore.

I am pissed right now so I'm going to keep it pretty short and sweet.

The talk:

I was at home and everyone else was gone except for my mother. She told me that we needed to talk and basically she was just like all emotional and emphasized how she 'didn't want me to go back into the hospital'

I was pretty much as emotional as a rock and shut her out. She was obviously disappointed that I didn't go oh mommy I love you and I need you.

Everyone needs to feel needed.

But I didn't. I told her that I didn't have any problems and shut down her efforts to talk pretty much.

We haven't really been talking about it since that, but they're watching me. And I've been eating. All the damn time.

I feel like a cow.

The other day I was eating something and I said, aloud "shut up shut up shut up shut up" attempting to shut up the "YOU FATTY" that was echoing in my head. Someone walked in and was like 'who are you talking to'.

it was that moment that I realized i am a crazy person.

After the screaming fight this evening, I had the opportunity to just skip dinner because I was so hated by everyone in the house that they wouldnt have noticed. But I didn't. I took my dinner into my room along with two pudding cups and downed it in about five seconds. Normally, this is the part where I throw up.

But I couldn't. So I didn't.

I'm fucking irritated and I wish I didn't have a family.

This is all such bullshit.

I wish J were here.

I guess I'll just do my french homework now. *sigh*

I think that I should just get a sharpie and write FML on my forehead and leave it at that.

Elle