Damage Control Time

okay so here is what happened this weekend. I had to take the SAT on saturday. For those of you not in the US- the SAT is a standardized test that plays a VERY important role in your college acceptance/denial. So I have been studying and taking classes and all that shit to make sure that I do really well. So of course, I ate breakfast on the morning of the test. And then that evening i ate ice cream. This morning, i woke up at 1:00 pm. I have no idea why that is, but i was still exhasted when I woke up. I have eaten today, but just now we had this huge family dinner and I just ate a ton of food. Like, seriously. I ate a lot of food.

Um so the last fifteen minutes or so was me just kindof like flipping my stomach inside out. I think I got all of it out.

Tomorrow I am going to fast. Now not "fast" like oh yeah I'm going to fast and then actually go eat prezels in the bathroom. (don't ask). Tomorrow i will not consume any food whatsoever. It will just be me, music, and paint.

And it will be amazing, too.

I just need one good day of fasting to kick start my re-acceptance of ana. And tomorrow is definitely that day. And hey, if tomorrow goes well, then maybe I'll keep it going for a few more days.

Basically here is my current life situation:
I really have no reason not to fast anymore. The only reason that I needed food was to do well on the SAT and my SAT classes and perform well in soccer.

Well- I took the SAT so that's over and since I have a broken ankle, the soccer performance really isn't an issue.  Speaking of which, I usually go to the gym about six days a week. I AM GOING FUCKING NUTS. All of my anger at the world is just festering inside me instead of being released in exercise. ALSO- I know that means that my daily calorie burn has drastically dropped.

I can't weigh myself with a cast and its driving me crazy. I think I'm just going to measure myself every day and just keep track of that because i need SOMETHING to tell me whether I am doing well or not. I feel a lot better now that I've had a good purge. But I also know that I need to cut that out. Knowing that I have the option to purge can sometimes give me an excuse to eat.

I am excited for tomorrow to come: I know this is going to be a great new start.

"Beauty, as in sculpture, is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to take away."