Indifference:

I am subdued. I am tired. I just want to fade away into sleep with Ana's song whispering to me in the background.

I didn't eat today. Except the big fat bowl of ice cream that I ate in about two minutes and then purged into a trashbag. other than that the day was pretty much good.

I just worked out on the elliptical....I burned 500 calories. I wanted to do 800 but I was just so tired. I gave up. I tried to justify it by saying the only thing I ate was purged, so it was okay.

Tomorrow morning I am going to the gym at 5 am before school, and then I am going to go again in the afternoon.

I am debating: should I eat something before the gym in the morning so that I can workout better? Or should I just eat nothing? I think that I am going to do something reasonable. Like half a banana. 52.5 calories. Or a rice cake. 35 calories. Those seem okay. or some celery.

ohhhhh. I think celery wins. Just enough to trick my metabolism into going, but not actually having many calories at all.

So this evening, I went to a bible study for teenage girls that my neighbor is hosting. I am not particularly religious, but i'm trying OKAY?

anyways, before it started, this one girl was trying to figure out how many calories she should be eating in a day, and how many she had eaten today. She started naming foods and I knew ALL of the calorie and fat contents by heart. I was slightly proud of myself at that moment. And EVERY question she had about food, weight, calories, whatever- she asked and I had a perfect answer. Wow, she said. You're really....healthy!
BAHAHAHA I had to hold that laugh in.

Oh damn. Its almost midnight and I have to be at the gym at five am. UGHHHH I'm so sleepy. I am going to bed now, and I'll write more tomorrow. Goodnight lovelies!

xoxoxoxo
Elle

P.S. I haven't been screwing up really bad or anything, but I haven't mustered up the courage to weigh myself in about four days. I'm scared. I'm going to do it tomorrow. eek.