I'm not quite sure why, but I can't stop crying.
Well, I sort of know why. Inadequacy, I believe.
I just feel scared and afraid and I just want someone to hold me and never ever let go so that I will never feel alone
and yes, I am sitting here, mascara tears on my face, in kid's footie pajamas, having a complete meltdown.
This whole weekend I have been holding it together and for one second, I just need to lose it.
I also lost it in the middle of my english class. And in the car.
This morning I weighed myself and felt optimistic that by saturday (when I go shopping for a new pageant dress) that I wouldn't be a complete cow.
Five minutes ago, I weighed myself again and despite the fact that i've eaten nothing, I weigh more.
There is something so fucking bleak about crying in front of the mirror while on a scale. Doesn't really get worse than that.
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