Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Control, Control, I can see your shadow

and I will follow you until i capture you once and for all.

My next beauty pageant is in exactly one month. I am ten pounds heavier than i was when I competed last year. FUCK ME.

Here is the plan: I just had another meltdown/purge fest. Now I am going to go to the gym and burn off anything that somehow managed to stay in my system. Then tomorrow I will fast. All I can have is coffee (black) and water. The day after that will be handled when it comes. I am just going to make immediate plans for now because I tend to screw up when I plan too much.

All I know now is that I am empty and it feels so good. I will retain this emptiness. I will be strong. I will be thin for this pageant.

I will, and no one can stop me.

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