my family constantly yells at me for being inadequate, often in a drunken rage. my stepsister decided she doesn't want to be a part of my family and is moving full time with her mom. J is going to ask out that nasty whore skank bitch that I hate and probably ignore me.
Also I am still fat and I still hate myself beyond belief. And i've been doing some damn stupid things. my grades are slipping (steeply), i never sleep, i cry ALL THE TIME because im PATHETIC, and i pretty much have no recollection as to what happiness ever was.
I had a complete and epic meltdown like an hour ago. Ate some pie. threw up. finally a moment of calm. vomiting does that for me. Thats normal, right?
But honestly who fucking cares.
and i have to get another pageant dress tomorrow and im SO FUCKING FAT that i am going to look horrid in all of them.
FML.
I just want to die. Just to waste away into nothingness. Just lean back, arms outstretched, and let the wind take me away.
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