On Valentine's Day

Some excerpts from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" hm? Enjoy my darlings this ironic poem and know that I love you dearly

"And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of toast and tea."


......



"And I have known the eyes already, known them all--
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then, how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?



.......



"Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all!"--
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: "That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it at all" "



.......



"We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown."




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UPDATE: 8:57 pm

My vomit was pinkish red from all the strawberries that I ate. How festive. Why is this my life? I would really like to step into another person's shoes for just one day. Someone who doesn't deal with this kind of stuff every day...just to see what its like. What do they think about? What to they do? What do they feel? Are they happy? sad? content?

I don't want this to be a part of my life anymore. The bulimia, that is. I hate it. Its disgusting and horrible and dirty.

I am going to possibly fast tomorrow. I just need to feel the emptiness. To restore some purity in my body.

Also today I was at a friend's house and I felt really weird. I went into the bathroom and just sat on the floor. I could feel my heart beat...thump....thump.... and then nothing. for what seemed like forever. and then all of a sudden thumpthumpthumpthump and then nothing again. Finger to the neck, I sat in panic. Am I dying? Am I going to die right here on this floor right now?

No I decided. And got up off of the floor and joined my friends, fucked up heart and all. And hey, its been a whole hour and a half and I'm still here. So its lookin good I would say.