UPDATE

okay well I purged the other stuff then picked up my little sister then came home and ate:

a cup of rice
4 more cookies
crackers dipped in cool whip (I don't know why either)
3 pieces of bread with lots of butter
frosting
another diet coke


and now that has also been thrown up. My throat hurts like a motherfucker right now, but I also feel nice and empty.

I am going to the gym now, which kind of seems like a recipe for disaster....but I need to make sure I burn off any of those little suckers that didn't come back up (I know, gross)

DEAR WORLD,
please note that bulimia is disgusting. Don't try it.
LOVE
ELLE

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UPDATE (on the update haha) 7:33 pm


Went to the gym, had a great workout.

Got home from the gym to find dinner still out and hot. My original plan was to not eat anything for dinner (since I binged so fucking much)

HOWEVER since I am a fat loser I came home and ate:

two bowls of pasta
two pieces of bread and butter
two cookies
a rice crispy
a handful of chocolate chips

AND THEN (you guessed it) PURGE TIME WHOOP WHOOP. I really wish I could have had some strobe lights or something when I said that to make it more dramatic.

So I am empty once again. That is three binges and purges today. fan-freaking-tastic. My face feels puffy. I don't like it. It makes me look chubby.

DAMNIT. Why did this happen. This whole day has just been a fail fail fail. And I have a lot of homework that I haven't even started and a huge math test tomorrow that I haven't even started studying for (let alone learned the chapter its on)

I do have one aderall left that I bought a while ago. I plan on taking that tomorrow....I'm just nervous that I'm going to end up having a binge/purge and then I'll throw it up and it will be wasted....which isn't going to help me at all.

UGHHHHH how do I stop binging. H-O-W. This is such crap. jfkla jfda fjiao; fehiwoa dksljfkdls jklafjkldsaj fds
I DONT WANT THIS TO BE MY LIFE

but i honestly feel like I don't have a choice. I literally walked into the house from the car thinking There is going to be dinner there. Don't eat it. But I'm so fucking hungry. No you're not you fat pig you just want to eat. Fine just eat what you want you fatty as long as you throw it all up. All of it. 


And then I ate the food. (by the way, this is kind of strange. But I've actually been like gaging after I eat food. Like almost vomiting involuntarily. Its kind of a problem because people look at me like I'm crazy.)


Everytime I eat i just have that feeling. Like the I know I have to do this but I don't want to feeling.

I dunno. I'm lame.